This has grown to be a very tough part of the year for me. I think some people and families have just parts of the year that bring sadness, reflection, and memories of those no longer with us.
Unfortunately, this week brings about a lot of emotion for me personally, as some close friends have been going through some unbelievable situations with their loved ones. To talk about religion for a few, I believe in a collection of a variety of different religions, a buffet if you will. I have been praying more for my friends and family more in the past 6 months than I have ever prayed in my entire life. It has caused me to question a lot about life, why things happen, why things don't happen, and why certain lives have to be tested so harshly. I have absolutely no answers. I have tried to apply rational logic and I come up with nothing. It makes me angry. It makes me sad. It makes me scared. And it makes me know that I really do love the people I love. I'll never apologize for that. It also reminds me to let the people that matter in my life, KNOW that they matter - whether it's a card or a text or a hug or a something.
This month brings up the birthday of my Poppop (died in 2011), Mommom (died in November 2012), Sarah Creech (birthday 1/16). It also brings the passing of my childhood friend, Allison Clegg (died 1/9/2002). These are people that I loved that were huge parts of my life and part of who I am today. I can't emphasize enough how much I miss them.
I am going home next weekend to memorialize my Mommom with my family. Monday, January 14, would have been her 90th birthday. I really can't wait to hug my parents and our family members that are going to be there. I've really learned to be thankful for the time I have with the people in my life.
On another note, a friend of mine expressed to me the other day when we were catching up, that she finds me to be too empathetic. I took that to heart. I do care about a lot of things and a lot of people. However, I think that being empathetic is part of the reason I went to law school and want to pass the bar so badly. I want to use my empathy to help not only my family and friends, but future clients as well. I want my clients to know that I care about their case and that I understand what type of justice they want to see and feel. So no, I don't think being empathetic is a bad thing. I've learned my lessons along the way, I've cared about people that don't care about me. I also got away from those people and try to remember the lessons I've learned.
My Mom says, "It isn't about whether someone is good or bad, right or wrong, sometimes things just happen, and it is just their time." While I understand the meaning, I really hate to accept it. I really do.
I wish, hope, and pray that my friends and family that have left us are in a better place, where they feel no pain, and are surrounded by love. For my friends and family that are going through hard times right now, I pray that whatever higher power is out there, that it heals the ailments that afflict you and your loved ones.
(I promise my next post will be about food. Today is about remembering what is important.)